November 21

My friend Cissa prompted me to look back at my blog and see what we were doing a year ago today. Turns out that November 21 was a very emotional day for our crew, not just a year ago, but also two years ago.

November 21, 2012, Curt and I were in Donetsk. We got word that our big court hearing for Eli and Isaac's adoption, which was supposed to be the following day, was yet again postponed. We were devastated and frustrated beyond belief.  Lots of tears.

November 21, 2013, Curt and I traveled from Kiev to Amvrosivka, where an ever-smiling Alex greeted us.  It was the day Alex officially and decisively said Yes to adoption. We were over the moon with excitement.   Lots of tears.

November 21, 2014, the seven of us are together in Tulsa, Oklahoma, having a typical low-key day. No big emotional highs or lows. All five kids went to school.  Frozen pizzas are in the oven. No tears. What a beautiful day.

Eight Months as a Family of Seven

Firstly, I am heartbroken for the people of Eastern Ukraine. The situation there is ugly, and it will only get worse as winter settles in. Food and water are in short supply, and there is no work.  Yes, this is a common scenario around the world, but it's intensely personal when it's a place you know well and have permanent ties to, as we do with Donetsk.

On a brighter note, everyone in our house is doing their best to look ahead. All five of our kids are optimistic about their futures, and long-term goals are starting to take shape.  I'm more clued in to the countless complex issues my Ukrainian boys are dealing with and what they need from me.   Communicating is a lot easier.  All of the kids are in school full-time and feeling successful.  We are in a solid, albeit busy, routine.  My mom now lives nearby and helps with logistical and emotional support. Don't get me wrong; this is still really hard, but I think I'm starting to phase out of triage mode. I'd been in triage mode for two years, and this more relaxed, stable lifestyle feels AMAZING.  Sleep is not so elusive. I'm starting to take care of myself again. It's a new normal now, instead of just day-to-day survival.  A new normal with five kids to love, teach, hurt with, get frustrated with, and pray over.

Greetings from Montana

I'm writing this while disconnected from the modern world. We are on vacation, in a remote cabin in the beautiful mountains of Montana. Of course my perspective may change by the time I have the opportunity to post this, but here's where my thoughts are at the moment.

When you're in the weeds, like I feel I have been for a really long time, it's hard to see. It's hard to see what?  Anything, I think.  It's been especially hard for me to see progress. I tell myself frequently that Isaac, Eli, and Alex are making tremendous progress, because I know logically that they are, but it's been hard to *feel* it. Probably because in order for wounds to heal properly, they first must be exposed. Wounds hurt when they are exposed, and they can be ugly.  As we spend more time together as a family, we all feel these wounds along with the boys. It hurts. So, progress?  Technically yes, but these steps forward are often painful, for all of us.

Then there are days like today, with my five kids joyfully playing card games together for hours, that help me feel the progress.  And the progress is real. Not honeymoon-period, trying-hard-to-please type of superficial progress, but hard-fought, hard-earned, after some old bandages have been ripped off, peace.  Not that we've reached a finish line by any stretch, but today sure feels good.

The Effects of War

It's been difficult to process all that has been happening in Ukraine, especially the last few days. What would typically be "something bad happening in a far off foreign land" is extremely personal, with people I know and love caught in the middle.  Today's plane crash was, by my calculations, about 20 miles from Eli and Isaac's orphanage.  So many questions. Are the other kids still there?  Did they make it to a camp in Ukraine safely?  Were they "escorted" to Russia?  If the kids are still at the orphanage, did they see or hear what happened today?  What other new horrors are they witnessing?

Of course I'm thankful that my three Ukrainian boys are here and that they are safe. I'm thankful that we don't have imminent plans to return to Ukraine. But...so many buts.  Connections to my boys' homeland are strong, not just for them, but for me as their mother.  I'm really feeling the effects of this war today.

Catching Up

Well hello there!  A lot has happened since my last update.  We survived the end of school rush.  We took a Caribbean cruise.  My mom moved to Tulsa.  We started a new summer routine. Remember when summer was all about sleeping in and working on your tan?  Yeah. With two-a-day swim practices, tutoring sessions, trips to the gym, renovating a house for Mom, and endless grocery store runs, it's hard to know which end is up sometimes.  Things invariably fall through the cracks. But we are surviving. Maybe even thriving; it depends on the day.

Isaac has moved up to the elite swim team. Starting July 1, he'll be swimming with his brother Clay, who has been swimming since age 4. What a huge accomplishment!  Isaac is also studying hard with Grandma so he can be prepared for fourth grade come fall.

Eli is working diligently with a tutor. He is such a hard worker. He is also working hard to be cool like his big brother Alex.

Alex is in a good place. The roller coaster was pretty dramatic for awhile, but things seem to have leveled off, at least for now. We are working together to build trust, communicate effectively, and figure out his future.  I knew that this transition would be difficult for Alex--much more so that Eli or Isaac--but I wasn't fully aware of all the issues he would have to deal with. Just imagine, taking on a completely new identity!  A new language, new family, new lifestyle, new rules, new expectations, new culture, new food.  New everything. The younger kids can adapt more easily, but an almost-adult is more aware. Sometimes the stress is just too much to take.

The family dynamic is complicated, no doubt. It would be with five biological children. When you mix wildly different previous experiences, languages, and viewpoints, it can get really muddy.

Sometimes, when I'm exhausted and at the end of my rope, I wonder, would I do it again, knowing what I know now?  The answer is always Yes. Sure, my life would be way easier had we not chosen to answer God's call to adopt. Cassie and Clay would be sailing along in their privileged lives.  But look at what we'd be missing!  These wondrous opportunities to love and be loved. To teach and be taught. To be challenged and pray like we've never prayed before. To feel closer to God and more dependent on Him as we take on this seemingly impossible task. All of the stress, all of the worry, all of the heartache. Is it worth it?  Yes.

Three Months Home: Trust

Yesterday, the day before our three month anniversary of having Alex home, I finally started organizing the pile of documents I had brought home from Ukraine.  Each piece of paper I reviewed brought back vivid memories of my time in Ukraine and the accompanying emotions: anxiety, pain, frustration, anger, excitement, panic, fear, exhilaration.   It was a rough day yesterday, as I processed everything all over again.

Aside: As I go about Life, every now and then I'll hit a trigger--a smell usually, that will take me back to Ukraine for a split second. It's quite jarring, and it takes me awhile to pull myself together.  I can only imagine how traumatic these triggers are for my boys.

So anyway, yesterday's harsh reminder of where Alex started prompted me to pull back and think about what he really needs right now. The word that keeps floating around in my head is Trust. Trust means everything in adoption.  It is a delicate, precious commodity that is hard to gain and easy to lose.  The English will come; what matters now is building trust. Everything else will grow from that foundation. It is easy to get impatient  and just want everything to be "normal" but we are only three months in.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

I am a blessed woman.  What a unique and challenging experience it is to be Mom to five children with such a wide variety of personalities, abilities, past experiences, and perspectives on life. Sure it's hard. It's also rewarding beyond measure.

We are still doing fine, with the ups and downs, uncertainties, frustrations and joys that we have come to expect.  This is a wild ride.

The wildest part of this ride right now is bonding with Alex. He's 16. Creating a mother-son bond with a 16 year old is a different experience than with a newborn, yet my maternal urges don't seem to know the difference.  I want to rock and coddle Alex like I would a new baby.  I am constantly aware of where he is and what he is doing.  I find myself staring at him, studying his every feature and movement in awe, like I did with my biological babies.  Maternal instincts are a powerful force!  If Alex would let me, I'd cuddle and coo with him all day long.  Of course, he's 16, and he doesn't have the same agenda!  There are moments though when we honestly connect, and it is absolutely exhilarating.

Two Months as a Family of Seven

Well, we are over the hump. We had an unusual couple of weeks. It was, predictably, a learning experience for us all.  I pray constantly that God grants me the wisdom, patience, and grace I need to be the mom I am supposed to be.

Now that we are settling back into a somewhat normal routine, life is good. Amazing, in fact. When Alex is in his comfort zone, he is happy, relaxed, and eager to connect with all six of us. With time, this comfort zone will extend to include more people, places, and situations. Until then, we will continue to communicate as best we can and go  through the rough patches together.

I tell you, it is so sweet to watch my five children converse jovially around the dinner table or play hide and seek together. (Alex's English is good enough now that he can understand a lot in certain contexts, but will have Isaac or Eli translate if he has a question or has something to add.)  And as much as I enjoy watching Alex interact with Eli and Isaac, it is just as heartwarming to see him bonding with Cassie and Clay.  EVERYONE IS GETTING ALONG. Not all the time of course, but as a whole, so far this is working.  We have issues, we talk them out, we learn from them and move on.  Fear will sneak up on me sometimes--there is so much that could go wrong--I need keep reminding myself that God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Gaining Confidence!

In my last blog post I expressed concern about how this week would go, as our normal routine has sorta been thrown out the window. Would you believe it's been (from my perspective) Alex's best week in America?  As our progress tends to be of the "two steps forward, one step back" variety, I'm trying to not get my hopes up too high, but tonight I am absolutely giddy. Alex has this sudden surge of confidence, and it affects everything he does. That confidence makes me think that maybe he feels safe.  He feels wanted. He feels valued.  He feels loved. I sure hope so. I suspect he is loved way beyond his scope of comprehension, but hopefully his eyes are starting to open.

This newfound confidence doesn't change the fact that Alex has a lot of big mountains to climb, but those mountains are so much easier to tackle when you BELIEVE you can climb them. This week, Alex has run towards them full speed.

Mid March Update

The first few weeks in America for Alex were pretty consistent.  The honeymoon was lovely.  Now that he's been here for 6+ weeks, we are experiencing some bigger ups and downs. We are seeing bigger gains, but also more frequent bumps.  I sense that he is starting to see how hard this really is going to be for him. Learning a new language, assimilating into a very different culture and lifestyle, figuring out the boundaries and expectations; it doesn't all happen overnight.  Coming from a world where he lived day-to-day, with little attention paid to the future, these long term undertakings are daunting, I'm sure. There are times when Alex is focused, at ease, and thoroughly enjoying this new life.  There are times, though, when everything seems to crash down on him and it's just too much.  Add in typical 16 year old boy issues and a communication rift and you've got yourself quite a puzzle.  It's hard to know exactly where to draw those boundaries, how hard to push, when to give him space and when to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much he is loved.

The next couple of weeks will be quite a test for all of us, as we will be operating outside our normal routine.   I'm hoping the scales tip in favor of smiles, laughter, and forward progress.

One Month Update

Alex and I landed in America one month ago today.  I've talked a lot about witnessing God's power through this adoption process.  Over the last two years, He has delivered us through a lot of dangerous, dramatic, and heartbreaking situations.  Right now, though, when peace reigns in our family and we don't see the desperate, immediate need for His intervention, is when I am seeing Him move the most.

Alex still has a very long road ahead of him, but we are watching him take steps towards healing, both physically and emotionally.  Alex looks great. He feels great.  His nerves are settling. He is bonding with all of us and trusting us to see who he really is.  He is working hard, and now that he is seeing the results that his hard work yields, his motivation is growing.

It would be easy to say "Look at what we are doing!" but we know it is not us. I don't have the power to handle all of the emotional stress involved here. I don't have the patience and energy that is required to deal with all of these special needs children day in and day out. Nope.  No way.  But when we follow God's plan for our lives, he supplies us with what we need.  "I can do all things through Christ" could not be more true.

I still have very painful moments when I wish I could instantly fix everything for Alex. And for Eli and Isaac for that matter, although they are in a much different place than their older brother.   But again it's not up to me. All I can do is follow God's lead and pray that all of my children will do the same.

Chazown

Hi. I don't really have much to report. I'm just checking in. Things are going well. Really well.  I LOVE this boy. I'm not going to have nearly enough time with him.

I tell you what--I don't know if I have ever felt this good.  I am living my Chazown.  I mean, this is hard, of course, but I am filled with such peace and joy it doesn't feel like work. Look at what I GET to do and be a part of.  Look at these amazing young people I get to love and call my own.   We are doing what God has called us to do, and he is rewarding us richly.

Settling In

Two weeks ago Alex and I were on our way home from Ukraine. It already feels like a lifetime ago. Isn't this how it's always been?  We are settling into a nice groove.  Of course there are and will continue to be struggles, but we are all committed to making this work.  As Alex learns more English and gains more confidence, the family dynamic will continue to change. We will have our ups and downs I'm sure but we will weather it together.

I haven't updated much on Eli or Isaac lately but we have some big news: they are both going to be baptized this weekend!  They have been asking about it for months, and Curt and I finally feel they have a fairly good grasp on what it means. We are very excited for them and the decision that both boys have made.

In other good news, Eli gets his braces off today. He's been a careful steward and has been waiting for this day for a long, long time.

Isaac's good news is that he has taken to swimming like, well, a fish takes to water. He has qualified for the state championship swim meet in March. School is going very well for both boys. They have made SO MUCH progress and really do enjoy school.

From my perspective, having five kids isn't really all that different from four. It's a lot of food, a lot of homework, a lot of laundry, and a lot of running around.  I periodically take mental inventory, reminding myself where all of my children are so that I don't forget to feed someone or pick someone up.  This craziness will not last long...before I can blink my house will be quiet again. I am enjoying this house full of amazing, unique, special young people while I can.

Day 10

It's been ten days since Alex and I got home. Ten wonderful days. There have been a few minor bumps here and there; issues you would expect in such a complicated situation. These issues have all been resolved quickly and peacefully. Alex seems to be in good spirits overall and is starting to feel comfortable expressing his wants and concerns to Curt and me.

Alex sure is enjoying this time with Eli and Isaac. Alex is a loving, encouraging big brother, and I love watching the three of them together.  Or Alex and Isaac cuddling on the couch. Or Alex and Eli working with Legos together, for hours. Or Alex chasing Isaac around the room.  Or Eli sitting on Alex's lap while Alex guides his little brother through an online puzzle.  This is a beautiful thing to witness, really.  I am so glad that God asked us to bring these boys into our family, and that we said Yes. I can't imagine our lives without them. You know what Isaac told me today?  While I was supervising him cleaning his bathroom, no less?  "I always wanted a Mommy like you."  Dang.

We are all eager for Alex's English to come along quickly. It will be easier for us to communicate as a family of seven when we are all fluent in the same language. Translating is hard for Eli and Isaac, and with an experienced 16 year old, there are a lot of things to talk about!  We will get there. In the meantime, I am giddy about finally having everyone at home. When I am out and about, people tell me I look great. I must be glowing.

Four Days In

We are honeymooning. Alex is doing SO well. He must have so many conflicting thoughts swirling around in his head, but for now, he has them under control.  He seems to be comfortable and finding his footing.

My emotions are under control, too, most of the time. I am sleeping, finally. I am almost healthy again. Every now and then I'll get a wave of grief, knowing what Alex has been through and the tough adjustments that lie ahead for him. I want to make up for 16 years of neglect in that one moment.  I have to keep telling myself to be patient and pace myself--he will still be here tomorrow.  Healing takes time.

Continued prayers for all seven of us are appreciated.

HOME

We are all home.   We're done. It's over. No more endless flights to/from Ukraine. No more leaving my children behind.  No more adoption paperwork.  I could go on and on but you get the picture. Now all of our focus can be directed on bonding as a family of seven and helping Alexander adjust to this brand new, very different life in America.  It will not be a seamless transition, I am aware.

We sure got off to a great start last night, though. It was a beautiful scene at the airport. Alex smiled as soon as he saw the crowd waiting for him, and didn't stop smiling until he went to bed. Once home, Alex, Eli, and Isaac chased each other around, squealing, over my "YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!  GO TO BED!" directives. Once the four younger kids were safely tucked away, Alex hung out in the kitchen with Curt, me, Nana, and Papo. Alex was still grinning from ear to ear, just watching us and listening to the friendly banter. After another round of goodnight hugs, Alex slept for a long time.  Probably as long as I would have slept had my alarm not woken me up at 6:30 to get the kids ready for school.  I should be able to sleep in tomorrow, though. By my calculations, if you don't count some light snoozing on the flights, I got a total of seven hours sleep from Monday through Thursday. No wonder I have a sore throat and stuffy ears again. I am so relieved that we can get into some sort of normal routine now.  We have an easy weekend ahead; perfect for just hanging out together at home.  Let the future begin!

Thoughts from the Plane

We are in the air!  Goodbye Ukraine. Next time I visit, if there is a next time, hopefully it will be on my terms. I actually had mixed feelings leaving Kiev, knowing it might be the last time I see it. Kiev is a beautiful, fascinating city and I've gotten to know it quite well.

If I had mixed feelings leaving Ukraine, I can only imagine the rush of emotions Sasha must be feeling right now. Well, he's sleeping right now. :)  But still. Neither of us slept at all last night. Too much to think about, I am sure.

Now that we are safely out of the country, let me tell you about our experience.  You probably know that because of recent actions by the Ukrainian government, tensions between the police and the protesters are running very high. Three protesters died yesterday, changing the whole face of the conflict.  The worst clashes were not happening at Maidan, but further east.  Our apartment was near the Golden Gate, a few blocks west of Maidan.  I was a bit nervous about the location but Victor wanted us to be close to the embassy, and central Kiev is where the rental apartments are.  Unless Victor was driving us to or from the embassy, Sasha and I stayed very close to the apartment. We did not walk down to Maidan.  We did hear lots of booms our first night. Fireworks?  Bombs?  I don't know. Victor thinks probably fireworks; protesters "celebrating the revolution."  We did witness some of the action on our way to the airport this morning.  Our taxi driver picked us up at 3:00am for our 6:00am flight. We drove by an outer set of barricades near Maidan, through a crowd of maybe 50 people. I couldn't really tell what was going on--if there was a scuffle of some sort of if it was just protesters organizing, but it was pretty intense. We stopped at a stoplight and there was a handsome young man right outside my car window, wearing a helmet. Under the new Ukrainian laws he could be imprisoned for this "offense."  We stared at each other for a few seconds while I said a quick prayer for him and the other brave souls who were out there in the middle of the night in the bitter cold, taking huge risks to stand up for what they believe in. Freedom. Something we Americans take for granted all too often.

We are DONE

Visa and all final paperwork are in hand. Easy peasy. We leave for the airport in 15 hours.

Reporting in from Kiev

I knew this trip would be a whirlwind and I was right. You know how when you travel to Europe for fun, your plane lands, you make your way to your apartment/hotel/villa, and you have the option to immediately go to sleep?  Yeah that doesn't happen here. I walked out of the Kiev airport 6.5 hours ago and I'm just now able to start shutting down.  Paperwork to do, phone calls to make, discussions to be had...all on a jet-lagged and exhausted brain. I have about twelve hours now until I need to rev back up again for the embassy appointment. When I had my final embassy appointment with Eli and Isaac, it was easy and almost joyful, as we were ALL DONE. I am hoping for the same scenario tomorrow.

What about Sasha?! you may be asking. Yes he's here, and he's in great spirits. He's calm, confident, and excited about his future. He is fascinated with the political happenings in his native country and is forming some pretty strong opinions about it all.  I love that he is paying attention and really processing it.  Anya came to Kiev with Sasha on the train but has already gone, on the train back to Donetsk. I miss her so much already.  Victor has been with us for most of the day but has headed home. He will be back in the morning to take us to the embassy.  So now it's just Sasha and me, in our apartment. We are near the opera house, very close to the apartment I had with Kayla, Eli and Isaac over a year ago. This one is very clean and comfortable and there is a little market right across the street. It will be just fine for the next, well, 30 hours or so.

I'm tired. I will post again tomorrow if I can.

Ready for One More Trip

Sasha has his passport and has passed the medical exam. All that is left is the final embassy appointment. A nothingburger, right?  Still, I'm holding my breath. I leave for Kiev Monday. Sasha leaves for Kiev Monday. His bag is packed and he's ready to go. My bag is not yet packed but I am beyond ready to go.

We are scheduled to arrive in Tulsa Thursday (Jan 23) evening: 7:20, United, from Houston. Whoever would like to come greet us is more than welcome. Make signs, bake us cookies, or just meet us with a smile. :)  We won't stay long, as we will both be exhausted and aching to go home. I would love to see some friendly, familiar faces when we arrive, though, and I'm sure it would mean a lot to Alexander/Sasha. So if you can, come have a little party with us.

Finally Some GOOD News from Ukraine

I just heard from Victor.  He expects to have Sasha's international passport in three days.  The issues appear to have been straightened out, and now it's just a matter of waiting for everything to be processed.  With passport in hand, Sasha will travel to Kiev for the required medical exam, then when I arrive we will have our final embassy appointment.  That *should* be it.  I hesitate to take anything for granted these days.  I am scheduled to leave Tulsa Jan 20, arrive Kiev Jan 21, and fly home with Alexander Curtis Powell Jan 23.

In the meantime, Sasha has been taking English lessons at Anya and Den's house.  He is doing well by all reports.  Better than I am, it seems.  I am fighting off a nasty illness.  As hard as it was to leave Sasha in Ukraine, it is probably better than I am sick at home than sick in Ukraine.

So now we all just count the days.

Marking Time

In about 12 hours, I'll board my flight out of Kiev.  Until then, I'm holed up in my little apartment, napping when I feel like it and snacking occasionally.  Victor came by earlier today to check on me and review our plan.

Victor made some phone calls and it sounds like Sasha is doing well in Donetsk.  Tomorrow Sasha will start his daily English lessons with Anya.  Hopefully he can stay focused on preparing for his future, and hopefully Victor will supply him with some good news when the passport office opens again next week.  I pray that something good will come of this extra time in Donetsk.  Sasha has a great relationship with Anya and Den; may that bond between them continue to strengthen, may Anya and Den speak truth into Sasha's life, may Sasha really listen to these new voices that he is so drawn to, may Anya and Den represent the Powell family, and more importantly, God, in this painful extended limbo.

May I have peace, coming home alone.  May I have strength to do this again--to prepare his room at home again, to pack for another Ukraine trip, to explain to people why Sasha isn't here, to mentally prepare myself for the flight and the vastly different culture, food, and language, to say goodbye to Curt and the other four kids again.

I'll post again from Tulsa.

NYE Report

That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  Sasha is back in Donetsk.  Anya says he was very chatty and in good spirits on the train.  I'm thankful for that.

Remember my dream a few weeks ago about Sasha and me having to take a train from Ukraine to Japan before we could board a flight to go home?  That's seeming more and more relevant, huh?  In my spotty sleep last night I dreamed I was trying to get back to Sasha in Ukraine.  Of course my flight was cancelled, and the only alternative was to take China Air, through China.  This has got to end.

I promised I'd write about happier times, so here's my NYE report.

Anya and Den arrived at our door just after I'd heard the bad news about Sasha's passport.  They wisely took charge and insisted we go on with our plans for a fun, festive celebration.  Anya, Den, and Sasha went grocery shopping for our feast while I sorted things out here at the apartment.  They returned with lots of local goodies and we all went to work, preparing dinner.  We had caviar, roasted pork loin, potatoes, three different kinds of Russian/Ukrainian salads, bread (of course), and a plate of meats/cheeses/olives/pickles.  I guess this counts as yet another major holiday meal with Anya and Den?  How many more until they are officially family? Or did we cross that line already? :)

I really love the four of us together.  Anya and Den move very fluidly between languages so the conversation is constantly alternating between Russian and English, with the frequent "What did he say?" from me and "What did she say?" from Sasha.  Anya and Den are the perfect bridge between Sasha's old life in Ukraine and his new life in America; a very important bridge given the current situation.

After our feast was cleaned up, we bundled up and ventured outside.  The party at Maidan was supposed to be extra special this year.  This was my first one so I can't compare it to other NYE celebrations at Maidan, but yes, this certainly was special.  We spent hours wandering the streets around the main square, taking in all the sights.  Sasha was fascinated by all of the political dialogue.  I was stunned by how civilized and orderly everything was.  Keep in mind that police/military are not allowed in this area; it's being occupied by the protesters.  There were HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE there, with no police to keep order, and the mood was amazingly calm and cordial.  My local friends keep explaining to me that Ukrainians are peaceful.  I'm sold.

We went inside the opposition headquarters.  You may remember that the protesters seized a major government building.  They are now using this building as their hub; a place for protesters to get food, warmth, medical attention, and other services.  Words cannot explain.  That's it, just, words cannot explain.

At one point during the evening we wandered outside the barricades into a beautiful, just gorgeous neighborhood.  We came upon a different kind of barricade, with police lined up perfectly, standing at attention.  The president's house.  Feeling uneasy, I insisted we turn around and head back to Maidan.  Den was hoping to find a church so we could ring in the New Year with prayer.  We didn't find one outside the barricades, but once in the main square at Maidan, we stumbled upon a tent that housed an Eastern Catholic church.  Perfect.  We were right in the middle of the square when the clock struck twelve.  We stepped outside the tent to watch the fireworks, the lanterns float up into the sky, and to hear a few hundred thousand people sing the Ukrainian national anthem together as a show of solidarity.  Yet another once in a lifetime experience.  This one will never leave me.

Our Last Day Together as a Party of Four

Den, Anya, and Sasha are leaving for Donetsk early tomorrow morning. Big breath. How can I do this? We've made so much progress since we got to Kiev. Now Sasha gets knocked back down to the ground again.  Start over. I know, he's tough. He's had to be. He assures me he'll be okay. Oh Lord, I hope he's right. The silver lining is that I have Anya and Den in town to check on him and be my voice.

The four of us had fun today, enjoying this beautiful city and talking about Sasha's new life in America.

I'll have two full days to myself here in Kiev before flying home on Saturday. I'll catch up on the blog (I will write about our amazing NYE) and hopefully my sleep. I may even read my book that I keep bringing to Ukraine. I'm a little nervous about venturing too far into the city on my own, although I've gotten to know the city center pretty well after this, my fourth visit. Kiev really is a beautiful, fascinating, sophisticated city.  And (holding my breath) I should only have one more brief visit.