Yesterday, the day before our three month anniversary of having Alex home, I finally started organizing the pile of documents I had brought home from Ukraine. Each piece of paper I reviewed brought back vivid memories of my time in Ukraine and the accompanying emotions: anxiety, pain, frustration, anger, excitement, panic, fear, exhilaration. It was a rough day yesterday, as I processed everything all over again.
Aside: As I go about Life, every now and then I'll hit a trigger--a smell usually, that will take me back to Ukraine for a split second. It's quite jarring, and it takes me awhile to pull myself together. I can only imagine how traumatic these triggers are for my boys.
So anyway, yesterday's harsh reminder of where Alex started prompted me to pull back and think about what he really needs right now. The word that keeps floating around in my head is Trust. Trust means everything in adoption. It is a delicate, precious commodity that is hard to gain and easy to lose. The English will come; what matters now is building trust. Everything else will grow from that foundation. It is easy to get impatient and just want everything to be "normal" but we are only three months in.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
I am a blessed woman. What a unique and challenging experience it is to be Mom to five children with such a wide variety of personalities, abilities, past experiences, and perspectives on life. Sure it's hard. It's also rewarding beyond measure.
We are still doing fine, with the ups and downs, uncertainties, frustrations and joys that we have come to expect. This is a wild ride.
The wildest part of this ride right now is bonding with Alex. He's 16. Creating a mother-son bond with a 16 year old is a different experience than with a newborn, yet my maternal urges don't seem to know the difference. I want to rock and coddle Alex like I would a new baby. I am constantly aware of where he is and what he is doing. I find myself staring at him, studying his every feature and movement in awe, like I did with my biological babies. Maternal instincts are a powerful force! If Alex would let me, I'd cuddle and coo with him all day long. Of course, he's 16, and he doesn't have the same agenda! There are moments though when we honestly connect, and it is absolutely exhilarating.
We are still doing fine, with the ups and downs, uncertainties, frustrations and joys that we have come to expect. This is a wild ride.
The wildest part of this ride right now is bonding with Alex. He's 16. Creating a mother-son bond with a 16 year old is a different experience than with a newborn, yet my maternal urges don't seem to know the difference. I want to rock and coddle Alex like I would a new baby. I am constantly aware of where he is and what he is doing. I find myself staring at him, studying his every feature and movement in awe, like I did with my biological babies. Maternal instincts are a powerful force! If Alex would let me, I'd cuddle and coo with him all day long. Of course, he's 16, and he doesn't have the same agenda! There are moments though when we honestly connect, and it is absolutely exhilarating.
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