Today started as one of the days I just "mothered with my hands," a term I found in a more experienced adoptive mom's blog. I am still pretty worn out. I don't know if it's just yesterday's events that zapped me or if it's more a cumulative thing, but my patience is starting to wear thin. Or maybe it's in anticipation of Curt coming--I know that soon I can hand over some of the parenting responsibilities and I'm jumping the gun a little. This is certainly getting hard.
I've gone out alone with the boys a few times the last 24 hours and there haven't been any major catastrophes. When someone asks me a question, Isaac is quick to say "My mamma doesn't speak Russian" and does what he can to translate. The boys are actually very helpful.
We got to meet Australian missionaries Ben and Angela and their six year old daughter at Vienna Cafe, the place with the indoor playground. The kids all had a blast and it was so nice to sit and chat with native English speakers! We had lots to talk about.
Tonight Anya is taking us to a hockey game. Should be fun.
We seemed to be dealing with more food issues than usual today. I'm guessing it had to do with the fact that we were out of some of our staples. We weren't really low on food, but it may have seemed like it on some level to the boys. OR maybe I just haven't had the patience to deal with it today. Don't know. Anyway, in case you are curious, here's the story.
Food is not a pleasure at Uglegorsk Orphanage, it's a matter of survival. The kids eat whatever they can get, however they can get it. When a child has been living like that for years, you can't just tell him, "Don't worry, we'll always have enough food" and expect the issues to disappear. It will take lots of time, patience, love, and work to help these kids get to a healthy place when it comes to food. Right now, Eli and Isaac eat as much as they can, as quickly as they can. For right now I'm okay with that, as their bodies have been so deprived for such a long time, they have a lot of catching up to do. Let them stay full so they know what it feels like! I'll help teach them to moderate once we are home, can communicate better, and have some trust built up.
I've learned the hard way that I can't just put out a bowl/plate of food and expect them to share. They will physically fight over the food, even if their tummies are full. I have to divide it equally (and count food items in front of them sometimes). The biggest issue I'm trying to gently address now is hoarding. If they have access to something dry and bite-sized (crackers, nuts, dried fruit), they reflexively stuff their pockets with them. They then want to find a hiding spot and eat. I quickly instilled a "food stays in the kitchen" policy. I try to keep it light-hearted, jokingly checking their pockets before they leave the kitchen and showing grace when they sneak it past me.
English lesson is about done. Wish us Happy Hockeying and pray that my patience meter will be extended!
Joc,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine you not being patient! You are one of the most patient people I know! I can only imagine how difficult it must be--such a long time of parenting alone and the language barrier added to it. You are amazing. The love and understanding you show them is inspiring! I can't wait for Curt to get there to give you some relief. Hang in there! Know that you will be covered in prayer, and now I know specifically how to pray! Love you. On my knees...
I ran into the hoarding issue with our Eastern European "daughters."It's not an easy one. Hang in there. Relief is on its way.
ReplyDeleteHI Jocelyn! I have been following your blog for awhile now, thanks to Kayla!! Here is an idea that I have heard of, that may help with the hoarding, although may not help with the keeping the food in the kitchen rule. :) Get each boy a little basket/pouch/bag that ALWAYS has healthy snacks in it that they are able to help themselves to at anytime. (They are able to keep this with them at all times) Hoarding should diminsh as they realize that they have control, and aren't relying on someone else to provide for this nessesity. Then you can wean them off of it when they start to really trust that you will always have food for them. Just an idea! On another note, I so enjoy your posts and pray for you and your famly often!! Blessing, Alana Johnson
ReplyDeleteHi Alana! Thanks for the encouragement. I've read about the food basket/bag thing and plan to implement that at some point, but I don't really see that working right now. I think if I gave them food to do whatever they wanted with, they'd hide in the bathroom or behind the couch and eat it. I will often leave healthy food out on the kitchen table for them (grapes, apple slices--something they won't fight over and that they hopefully won't be tempted to stash), and they can help themselves whenever they want, but it has to stay out in the open. Anya is also teaching them to tell me "I am hungry" and "I am thirsty" so they can voice their needs to me instead of meeting their own needs in secret, or the other extreme, just waiting until I offer. I ALWAYS say yes when they ask for food or drink. As Dr. Purvis says, making deposits into the Trust Bank. :)
ReplyDeleteJocelyn,
ReplyDeleteThis has been such a touching experience to follow your journey through your blog. I am reminded of a touching story I heard one time on a Focus on the Family broadcast of an adoptive mother who could get her little girl to go to sleep at night by placing a slice of bread in her hand, she could rest when she knew she would have food the next day. Your experiences have reminded me again of how blessed we are to have never wanted for food, or anything for that matter.
You and your family are in our prayers! We are so appreciative that there are people like you who are willing to be the hands and feet of Christ to these boys! Jeri Ann Dewbre
I hope to get to meet you and those boys someday if you are visiting Kayla and Todd!! Good luck with everything!
ReplyDeleteHi Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteI am catching up on your posts today and I am thrilled that you not only met Galina, the inspector, but now know her heart is all for these kids. She has LOTS of power in Enakievo and uses that power to free the orphans! God Bless her!!! She is awesome. I know that once the judge see that Galina has taken matters into her hands he will not have issues with letting the boys be adopted. He trusts her and respects her decisions. We will continue to pray.
On the other subject of food, we had issues in Ukraine but once the boys see the grocery store in America they will realize that there is plenty of food. It is a sin how they must hide, steal, and gorge themselves in the orphanage just to get some food in their tummy. I know for a fact that Zhayne NEVER ate until he was full. He takes such pleasure now ... at the end of a meal saying, "OK, I'm full." That doesn't mean that in an hour he won't be back for more! :) He is a very, very healthy eater and we believe that is because he never had candy or sweets in the orphanage. He loved candy and sweets when we got home but now ... they are not his favorite or the thing he will choose if he is hungry.
On yet another note ... YES, Ukraine is the best weight loss program I know of. I lose at least 10 pounds everytime I go there to visit. I think it is because we walk everywhere we go, we chase kids from day one until we leave, we eat maybe one meal a day because we are so busy and the food is not what we are used to eating. Great weight loss plan though!! :)
Praying for your cold, for you to get rest once Curt is there and praying that God will continue to bless your time there with the boys. Again I say, write it all down ... the boys will want to hear the whole story when they are older. We tell our story over and over again to Zhayne and he LOVES it. Praying, karol